While this originates from our Rediscovering you series, the principles apply to any area of life, apply them here as you grow in your spouse role. 

It’s common and quite expected that when we are giving ourselves permission to believe for more there will be parts of us that feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. Those same areas of our being have been very effective at protecting us from the pain we likely experienced in the past places of vulnerability. The flavor of these pieces of our humanity and the levers they use are vast, but underneath those tactics are just a handful of core beliefs many humans learn to carry. 

Why does this matter? Anytime we reach out to touch something that creates vulnerability in our system – we are likely to find resistance. Hoping for intimacy with another person IS A HUGELY vulnerable movement. It’s hard to be intimate, as it means being authentically you and many of us have learned that being us and hoping for love doesn’t work out. Unless you have taken the time to rewire those conclusions, you are likely still operating from them and they will try and deter you from what is scary about all of this. The good news – you are no longer a child who can’t understand. You are a strong, capable, magical person with the power of God in all His divine wisdom inside of you. 

You CAN heal, and you CAN grow. 

Managing expectations is important for success here. As good as it feels to say “I am going to find a life I love” we have to be prepared to face those dark places that stopped us from living that life in the first place. On this journey, you house the magic of the God who made you – and that is very unicorn-esque. BUT unicorn stories aren’t real. You will face resistance, and you will likely need to be willing to understand where you learned that resistance was better than being you. That process is not always pleasant, and our avoidance of that reality is often why we stay where we are. 

How can you face these things? Get curious. Observe, ask questions, feel, be honest, be patient and kind with yourself. This gets easier as we learn what to look for.