As I said in the recap, I firmly believe — and have found it consistently true — that slow is fast when it comes to healing and growth. Taking things one intentional, spacious step at a time allows our systems to actually settle into something new.

✅ For that reason, we’re doing Prompt 1 again — but this time, lean in more. Go deeper. When conflict or a trigger shows up, make sure you’re actually doing one of the grounding activities you identified before engaging.

🗒️ Re-read what you wrote last week and notice:
• What needs were met by the activity you chose instead of engaging in conflict?
• And why didn’t you choose it at other times? Why did you stay in the unproductive moment or move on without addressing it?

Both of these point to something important.
The needs being met show you what you’ll likely want to support in yourself before and during conflict. We start by learning to meet our own needs, but the long-term goal is being able to clearly express those needs to your partner and invite them into meeting them with you.

The reasons you didn’t choose the healthier option are just as valuable. What fear is underneath that decision? What made the unproductive moment feel safer or more in control? These patterns show you where you’re operating from a protective place. Intimacy requires us to soften those protective layers and let someone see what’s really underneath.

But first — before we show anyone else — we have to acknowledge, know, accept, and love those places in ourselves.
Over the next two weeks, we’re going to meet these scared parts with acceptance, curiosity, and compassion. We’re going to reparent them.

And just to be clear: unproductive conflict behavior is not just the more “aggressive” partner. We all have unproductive behaviors. Our nervous systems move through four survival states — freeze, fawn, fight, or flight. Any time your behavior comes from one of these states, it’s protective.
Not bad — just protective.

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